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This site is called "our diary" and here will appear some actual thoughts which will maybe change from time to time :
11.11.08
Last night I was thinking about River about why and if he could be saved from his troubles. Surely as in everything concerning him, there´s no real answer, just maybe a kind of understanding for his situation, about the reason he started trying drugs and why is had been nearly impossible to stop it right in time. First of all I thought the beginning was the filming of "My own private Idaho", but as I heard later it started much earlier....Maybe just for curiousity, like, I guess, most young people are having in their growing up years and maybe it helps escaping the trouble, the pressure, the problems, the reality or whatever there is for a reason and later it is difficult to stop cause your "so called" friends are doing the same......I think and I hope River had a few people around him who really wanted to help and who knows of his problems, but it´s impossible to help somebody who doesn´t want any help, and said "everything is allright, I´m fine"
He was a great actor.....maybe too good ? "Too good in the way of letting is inner circle believe that there is no problem."
The last line of Natalie Merchants song "River" is : "How could we save him from himself ?"
This is an absolutely touching line and the answer (just for me) is, that only River could have saved himself if he had asked family, friends, professionals for help. But did he really have this choice ? (sure, you always have a choice) But in his case, I think it would have been really problematic.
Hollywood created an image for him.... he was a nice and pretty guy, gentle, clean, close to nature, loves peace, animals and people, activist for a lot of important things,loved by thousands of peoples, no drugs, no alcohol, no cigarettes, this sounds like the perfect "son-in-law" for every mother.
So what kind of opportunity did he has ? The first one was to go against this image to say : "Listen, here I am and I have problems, please help, I am not able to do it on my own. MAYBE this could have been saved his life, but he wasn´t stupid, he could imagine what happened after it, I guess hundreds of yellow press reporters where coming out of their hole who earlier praised him as the best actor and boy and after known that he´s having these kind of troubles the same people would have damn him to hell because of this.
The second opportunity is the way he prefered to go. Go on playing the nice guy without any troubles. Probably he wasn´t a regulary drug user and thought he could stop whenever he wanted to stop.
The only positive thing (if you can call it positive) is that he showed us that he was just a "normal" guy who had good and bad times, who made right and wrong choices, no messias, no hero, no angel, no god and that´s how I will remember him and why I like him in the way I do.
I think it sounds a bit depressed today, but this was just a thought and hopefully it will be the first and last time I´ll write about his death.....
Wish you all a nice and beautiful day,
TC Katja
Picture-Ref.: meinvz.net, iballer.com
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